I’m the girl who tries to be nice to everyone then gets taken advantage of. I’m the girl who tries to look pretty and it’s never good enough. I’m the girl who acts like she’s happy then goes home and wishes to be gone. I’m the girl who takes harsh words, act like they’re nothing, then goes home and cries. I’m the girl who tries to get her point across and could never find the right words. I’m the girl who has more depth to her than everyone thinks. I’m the girl who hides from the harsh eyes. I’m the girl who wouldn’t care if you gave me a shitty gift as long as you thought of me. I’m the girl who prays that someone will finally understand. I’m the girl who gets happy over the little things. I’m the girl that people misinterpret.
Um. Could you imagine trying to clean that out? Just eww. Jizz covered fruit also does not sound at all appeasing. And what if he doesn’t show up? It’s not like you can bend over and eat the fruit out yourself. Not that you would want to…I’ll just end this thought here. And I may never be able to eat a banana again without the phrase “He can whoosh his penis around it!” popping into my head. Thanks, Cosmo. Seriously.
I just had the following text message exchange with Ian:
“Hey, so I was just reading this hot sex tip from Cosmo: ‘Get fruity! A mashed banana or peaches inserted in your vagina is a delightful invitation for him to whoosh his penis around in it! Once you climax, switch to 69 position for sweet afters.’ What do you think? Is this something you’d like to try?”
“Wouldn’t the sugar in the juices be infectiony?”
“Um, yes. Please tell me you did not think I was seriously suggesting that you woosh your penis around inside my banana filled vagina.”
“No, I was just worried that you’d started reading Cosmo.”
Thanks, Cosmo! Never knew I could turn my vag down under into a fridge! or a fruit salad bowl. Or oh!!! maybe I can use the mashed up banana for cobbler. Yummy! This would definitely send me straight to the gyno for uti meds.